Normal Paradigm
Thanks to the good folks of Second Life that aren't afraid to lend a critical voice, I have had an epiphany of sorts. At long last.
For as long as I can remember, I've looked at things, to a neurotic degree, through this lense of normal versus abnormal. I became more obsessed with it as I got older until it has reached critical mass. It has become pathological and it has blocked my connection to who I am. It has stolen valuable time from me, kept me miserable and joyless, and crippled me. Over evaluating everything, and labeling myself as being outside of the norm. I literally saw myself in one category (too different to fit in with the rest of humanity) and everyone else in another category (some kind of normal I could never be). But maybe this is a perverse way of thinking. A grand illusion born out of my deep insecurity and criticism. It's a deeply rooted belief that I've held for most of my life.
Using a name like the oddball is another way I'm labeling myself and separating myself from the rest of the world. I tried to take something I saw as a reality (that I'm a strange gal) and turn it into a "fun", silly character for second life.
It has dawned on me that I should just see myself as just myself, however much I seem to differ. I am who I am. Everyone just is who they are. I should stop comparing myself to others. I should take things as they are instead of labeling and categorizing. I need to accept my nature however it is, and instead of "warning" people before hand what they're dealing with, let them decide through direct experience. If I can see everyone else as somehow justified in their being and as a part of the whole, why can't I see myself that way?
