My Oddtism
(Me just kind of rambling on aimlessly about myself.  Enjoy.)

Processing....


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What's going on in my mind:

A near never ending parade of other people's voices and accents in addition to my own, impressions, jokes, scenarios of all kinds, philosophical insights.  Countless hours of conversation with others or no one in particular.  A maddening flood of bizarre, sometimes incoherent disturbing intrusions churning and bubbling in a sea of sewage.  Lively bursts of animated, manic hyper activity consisting of strange sounds, gutteral utterances, animated mimicry of hybridized absorbed characters.  Words and phrases stretch and climax to wild savagery. 

And other times I'm just really focused on something I'm reading or doing, perhaps with some mental white noise in the background.  It seems to depend on my mood and energy level.  Sometimes I feel more manic and others I feel more depressed. 

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A lot of things are internalized (urges are 'expressed' inwardly rather than outwardly), either due to training myself be normal or just because.  Sometimes I find myself moving or posturing in what might be strange ways.  And I feel energetic highs which increase the amount and nature of my mental activity.  If you could spy on me all day, you might see me on occasion laughing, gesturing or making faces for no apparent reason, oh and talking to myself. 

Around people I tend to be very introverted but get me drunk and you may see a jester before you.  This explains my occasional "stupid" "retarded" "attention whore" behavior on cam.  I'm uninhibited or less inhibited, excited, happy and I get hyper and I may start to stim (repetitive movement often seen in autistics, though neurotypicls may also have a lesser degree of this).  I'm also trying to have fun and interact and do what I can't do when I'm sober.  I'm not really trying to be the center of attention (though I must be deprived of it since I never interact), I'm trying my best to have fun with people, socialize and connect in my own way. 

I nearly always feel very ashamed and embarrassed when I sober up and recall my behavior.  It's really hard trying to change my fundamental nature and especially difficult to mask it when I'm drunk. 

I understand everyone isn't going to like me (I've got a growing list of haters), though I'd like them to.  My behavior can be very off putting and so I really can't blame anyone.  Those willing to be friends with me and tolerate me in all my irritating oddtistic glory are fucking saints practically and deserve a trophy made of only the finest quality chocolate or substance of their choice.

This is me, take it or leave it.

Thanks for understanding! XOXO <-let this mark the first occasion I have ever used this plebian netffection device.  I'm not sure yet how I feel about it.