Sorting Out the Oddbacle
I've always had issues growing up which have been and remain untreated. I have, for the most part, lived in a bubble away from the real world and without the normalizing influence of peer groups. I have spent much of my life living in my head with a poor understanding and distorted or underdeveloped picture of reality, which could certainly include an unrealistic, idealized view of what normal is. Naturally, as would be expected, this led to me feeling different from everybody else. I'm not sure at this point how weird I could actually be determined to be, but I'm realizing that it's not really important. My focus has shifted more to identifying key problem areas and ways to work on improving them so that I can function as best I can and get as much out of life as possible.
People really took issue with the name I used (oddball). I guess because they thought I was trying to look special. I can maybe see how after being exposed to a lot of people who appear to be doing something similar that could be their reaction. My explanation is that it was an old internet handle I was resurrecting for sl. I was out of other nicknames and not interested in using others and felt oddball embodied how I really felt about myself more and was compatible with the different direction I wanted to go: fun, playful, silly, etc. It represented a big part of who I was.
I think that what was actually a serious lack of maturity and social naivete was seen as someone trying to be edgy or more interesting than they were. No, I was just an over grown child. That child is still around but under the watchful eye of a new guardian making sure I act grown around other grown folks. Maybe one day that will become internalized and I won't just be masking my asshatery. Believe me, if I set out to look interesting, special or whatever, I'd go in a better direction than making myself out to be a complete fool and convincing everyone I'm a retarded mental patient.
And last but not least: I was never trying to be interesting, I WAS FUCKING BORN THAT WAY BITCH!
